Beautiful Nightmare

In my apartment, I sleep on the left side of my bed. I sleep on my left side, facing the wall and I've always slept best that way. When I started dating someone and sleeping at their place, I slept on the left side of the bed, but on my right side facing him. It didn't take me long to get used to the change because he'd wrap his arms around me and I'd smell his chest and fall asleep almost immediately. And for the first few months, that was how I slept best.

Sometimes when we'd argue, I wouldn't feel as connected to him and I would turn back to my left side but we would eventually make our way back to each other in the center of the bed by morning. As time went on and resentments grew, the nights I slept on my left side started to outweigh the nights I slept on my right, until the last night, when I felt so much distance I had to sleep in another room to get any peace at all.

The following morning, I left when I realized I never saw myself going back to sleep in that bed.

Now I'm in my own bed, on my left side, facing the wall. 

Wide awake.

The Fault in Our Stars

I wonder if he notices me from across this galaxy of white dwarfs and black holes; all of which are too exhausted or too self-destructive to notice anything outside of their own chaos. I wonder if he can sense how my thoughts orbit his smile or how the force of his laugh produces enough inertia to knock the air from these lungs of mine.

Most of all, I wonder how gravity manages to draw us together while simultaneously keeping us apart.

Dominance

 Strong hands ’round my neck
Squeezing until every ounce
Of decency’s gone

Submission

 Hands behind my back
Knees spread, head bowed, and gift wrapped
Signed, “To Sir, With Love”

Neon

To be the too-bright screen you struggle to focus on 

As you stumble home through the neon haze

Your eyes soft with drink and starlight

To be where your mind wanders at 2 A.M.

When your inhibitions are low and the moon is high

Your smile when three dots mean I’m thinking of you, too

Apologies

You say, "I love you" 

Like it's an apology;

A preemptive strike.

Ghost Writer

Write! He encourages

Write of my love for you

Of early morning coffee shops

Of daydreams built for two

Write! He requests of me

Of misty evening trails

Write of a love so pure and strong

We though it'd never fail

Write! He begs insistently

Our twilight turns to dusk!

Write to keep the night at bay

Write, save us, you must!

Write! His requirement

Write through the misty haze

Write though you're battle-worn and weary

Write past the bitter days

Write! He commands of me

Write though your hand is aching

Write of the pain that spills from you

Write as your heart is breaking

Write! Prove your worth, he yells

Write through the tears that fall

Write haikus, prose, and limericks

Write, poet, write them all

Write! The words he rips from me

Write so the world can see!

Write of everything you've ever lost

Write one last ode to me!

Write, he whispers quietly

Write 'til the ink runs dry

Write, feel your muscles seize

Write until you die